this morning’s trigger… which could be different from this afternoon’s trigger

this morning’s trigger… which could be different from this afternoon’s trigger

Let’s see… what was the trigger for today?  Running across a letter from a counselor that meant the world to me, at the time.  One that I thought cared about me.  I was wrong.  Seeing it in writing from her doesn’t matter.  People tell me they care all the time.  And they betray the trust I have in them.  I will no longer trust anyone that says they care about me.  Hell, I don’t even know what that means anymore. 

So what have I accomplished from this morning’s cry session.  Besides to not tire me out so I will have another after lunch?  I protected my Twitter updates.  I’ve uninstalled all Twitter apps from my phone.  I’m no longer going to check the updates.  People can erase me from their feed if they want.  Won’t hurt my feelings more than they have already been hurt.  I’ve turned off emails and text messages from twitter, so I won’t be reminded of them, and be tempted to come back.  I’ve told people if they want me to stay in touch to DM me and I will give them my email.  So far, one taker.  That’s alright too.  People don’t want to be bothered by someone like me.  I get that. 

I am once again thinking of quitting counseling.  I want to cut off all connections with the outside world.  I want to be alone.  But when I am, I’m so scared.  And I know no one cares.  I guess that is best. 

I’ll leave my blog up.  It’s the only thing that keeps me in touch with real people.  I’m considering turning my blog updates on twitter off.  So, if you get the updates through twitter, you might want to be aware of that. 

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