So first week at work down. Just a gazillion more left to go. Work isn’t too bad. I like the people; the work is okay. My boss seems to be super. It just sucks because I’m way underemployed. I qualify for a manager position, but am two steps below that. It’s just frustrating knowing I can do so much more, and can’t. I doubt whether any openings will surface any time soon; and then even I don’t know if I would have a shot at them. It would be great if I did, but I’m just not sure. I at least get to ride the bus in to work fairly easy, and will be able to do it free once they have all my paperwork processed.
As for the depression. Yeah, that’s no better. I had high hopes for this job. That I would go from being horribly depressed to wanting to live. But, I didn’t. And that in itself is frustrating. I wonder what it will take to snap me out of this. If there is any hope of ever being ok. I’m on meds, and that isn’t helping. I’ve had a major life change, that is way less stressful, and that hasn’t helped. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of wondering when I will get better. I’m tired of going through this day after day. I’m tired of the tears for no reason. I’m tired of wanting to die. Most days I just want to sleep the day away. In fact, the weekends, that is just what I’m doing. And when I come home from work. I have so much stuff to do at home, but I don’t feel like doing it. I have bad headaches most days. I am struggling so bad, and feel so alone.