I just looked on my insurance card and the primary care physician I requested isn’t there. However, interestingly enough, they gave me this guy that is trained in both psychiatry and general practice. Even the nurse practitioner has experience in both. It is supposed to be a more holistic approach to everything. But they aren’t open on the weekends, or late in the afternoon. I need refill on a prescription coming up soon, so will probably just go in for that, and see what happens.

Someone asked me at work again today if everything is ok. I don’t want to lie, but really just don’t want to talk about things. And I don’t want to be mean, but I don’t want my business spread all around work. It seems like the folks here, as soon as they hear something rumor-worthy, everyone knows. I don’t want my boss knowing that dying sounds better than going to work. I’m sure I’d get weird looks for that. But it’s true.

I’ve thought about going to a priest to talk about this. But what good would that do? Sort of like what good would going back to counseling do? Everything that could be said to me has already been said, and I still chose the path that I am on. There isn’t much more that anyone can do for me. There’s no point in me wasting their time and my time chasing after a dream that I know won’t come true.

I have so much more that I want to say, but am afraid, even here.

2 thoughts on “Afraid…

  1. Thanks for this post. It can be challenging dealing with depression. A lot of the things you are going through should not be taken lightly. Depression is a serious illness that affects adolescents just like it does adults. I’ve found Silver Hill Hospital’s website to be a useful source of information about treatments for adult and Adolescent Depression
    Please do not give up.

  2. Please don't be afraid here… that's what your blog is for, and that's we are for. I'm crossing my fingers that your new doc will be a good match for you. And I wish you would consider talking to a Priest. Even just once. I'm here for you, if you need a sounding board!

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