I’m tired. I feel like crap. I really could use some sleep… But I can’t sleep. My brain won’t shut down but I can’t concentrste enough to do any work. 

I still want to die. People don’t understand being so depressed that living to the next day seems overwhelming. People think that those of us who want to kill ourselves are selfish. But just as people with terminal illnesses, we just want the pain to stop. I don’t care whether I go to hell, I just want the pain to stop. 
There’s no one I can talk to about this. No one that would understand the weight of the emptiness. The complete feelings of loneliness. The knowing it won’t get better tomorrow. 
I shouldn’t feel like this. I have a husband  and a sweet little girl. Everything that a person would want. I feel selfish, that I don’t have the right to feel like this. 
And I’m still alone and depressed… And want to die. 

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