same crap, different day

I thought everything would magically get better with the new job.  Sure the first couple of weeks I was very happy to be here, but now settling in to the daily grind of things, life is back to normal.  Normal– tired, depressed, that is my “normal”.  I often wonder what I’ve done to deserve this.  Did God get mad at me, and this is my punishment?  I’ve been struggling with this since I was a kid.  I’m so tired and so frustrated with this life.  The feelings I can’t even start to explain.  I just want to sleep… and cry, and then sleep some more.  I’m scared that the rest of my life will be like this.  What happens if that is true?  If I’m spending the rest of my life feeling like this?  How do I get through it?  Even if I had lots of people that I could talk to, how do I convey the dark feelings that I can’t even tell why occur, to someone who is happy?  My favorite line is that if I were a better Christian than I wouldn’t be feeling like this.  Maybe that’s true.  Everything is my fault.  I’m just tired of being tired.  Of wanting to cry and having to fight through the feelings at work.  Of putting on a happy face when I don’t even want to live.  I wish I had my counselor back.

One thought on “same crap, different day”

  1. Hey DJ, I hope and pray that just for today you will feel the love sent your way.

    I think of you and E often.

    God does not judge…God does not condemn..God is Love. Your heart is hungry…..allow His Holy Spirit to comfort you. I believe in you and know you can work through all this sadness…..Love you, Auntie Lisa

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