Reality setting in…

At some point the pain stops, right?  I wake up one morning and I’m happy… 

I’m having such a hard time accepting that I have to live my life like this. But I feel trapped and I’m not sure how much longer I can go on. I’ve dealt with this just about my entire life. But it doesn’t get any easier. In fact, it gets more helpless and harder. And more lonely. 

Not many people know this time.  I haven’t told my husband how I feel. I don’t want him to know what kind of person I am. How horrible I am. 

Most think that every thing is OK now. That I’ve recovered. Honestly that’s how I want it to be. I’m not sure I want help this time. I’ve done that. It didn’t work. It landed me right back here. 
The high after the little one was good but reality has set back in. The reality that I’m not good enough to be happy. That I deserve to live like this. That I don’t deserve happiness. That I don’t deserve life. 

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