I had my last psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday. I kid you not it lasted all of about five minutes. AND I was told I smiled too much. I guess I smiled once, to something funny she said. Why do people assume that just because someone smiles they feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Rarely when I smile do I actually feel like smiling. I smile, well because I guess it’s an automatic response to something that I know socially, I’m supposed to think is funny. I do it with everyone. Even when I don’t think the person is funny, or I don’t feel like smiling. I do it because as crappy as I feel inside doesn’t give me the right to make others feel crappy. I figure if I can make someone else feel like smiling then maybe my life here isn’t in vain.
So, back in the psychiatrist office. Any side effects from the medicine… not really, but it’s not helping. Let’s increase the dose and come back in about a month. Any questions? No, well… boda bing boda boom (yes, I know I misspelled that phrase. At this point, I don’t give a rat’s behind) I’m finished. See aren’t I an easy client. And five minutes of her time only cost me let’s see $60. It was supposed to last 20 minutes. 20 minutes… and all I got was a quarter of that. Somehow I think I should have paid her a quarter of what I was supposed to pay her.
The first day I had an appointment with her I told her I had a blog. I was under the impression she was actually going to read it. So far she hasn’t. When I told her the name of the blog, she told me I didn’t have to go through this alone. Really, could have surprised me. Who’s going to help me?
Somehow I feel more lonely when there is someone I want to be close to but feel I can’t be then if I had never met the person in the first place.