no one

What do you do when things don’t get better?  When even something that is supposed to make you feel better doesn’t?  How do you get through the days when you don’t want to?  How do you explain to people that you want everything to be all over.  That you just want to be asleep for the rest of your life and not wake up?  How do you make someone who hasn’t been through this understand how much it hurts.  How sometimes it’s hard to make the brain work because it hurts so much.  How do you suppress the tears at work when the flood gates are about to open?  How do you put a smile on your face when all you want to do is die?

Will someone tell me… because I’m so lost.  And alone.  The only friend I have is my husband and I can’t tell him.  I’ve lost my counselor.  Even if I could get off work to go, I’m not sure he would take me back.  I frustrate everyone I’m around.  So I have to get through this alone.  And I can’t do it anymore.

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