The next session with the couples tomorrow we are supposed to talk about my husband working on my parent’s house. What I want to talk about? I want to talk about E’s jealousy of me. I want to be able to talk about stuff with him without him putting me or whomever I’m talking about down. I want to be able to ask for help without him telling me that I make more money and should know that. I want to be able to come to him about whatever and not be afraid of the reaction I’ll get. I want to talk to him and him not retreat into the bedroom because someone is encouraging me to apply for a job. I want to be able to make a mistake and not be afraid of him. I want to be able to find his shit without him accusing me of taking it. The question is… will I have the confidence to talk about all this?
The individual session will be hard. Really hard. I’m going to try to talk about something I haven’t been able to talk about ever. I’ve only told a few people in my life. I’m afraid of saying everything out loud. I’m afraid of facing and dealing with the truth about what happened. I’m scared quite a bit. But in some ways want desperately to work through this.