Life

Busy busy busy leads to extreme exhaustion.  I feel like just sleeping the day away alot of times.  So very tired.

Depression has not gotten any better at all. I still want to die, still want to cut.  The only thing that makes it better is the simple fact that I’m too tired to do anything about it (or maybe that makes it worse?).  I’m too numb to think about the problems. 

I’m not on any meds for depression– I gave up on those a while ago.  It just gets frustrating starting a new medicine and then not have it work.  I’ve been through my fair share of psychiatrists —  and figured out they must think too much of themselves to actually listen.  Either that or they don’t care.  I’ve pretty much given up on the meds for life.

I’m still in counseling, but still thinking of quitting.  It helps having someone to talk to on a weekly basis, but I feel like I can’t open up to the counselor, even though I want to.  I just don’t have the energy / strength to want to deal with the problems anymore.  It’s like I feel numb by everything.  But at the same time, I constantly want to cry.  I want to hurt myself.  I want to die.  I have no friends here I can talk to, that will hold me when I cry.  I feel so alone and at the same time so overwhelmed by life.  Even if someone cared, I still wouldn’t feel it.

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