i’m not worth it…

I wish I were a better client for my counselor.  I try so hard to talk.  But it’s like the words get blocked.  I start getting dizzy and not able to concentrate on what I want/need to tell him.  Even though apparent progress is hard to pinpoint, it helps being in his office an hour  a week, to have someone who will listen and not judge me, to have someone that at least half way cares about me.  I don’t get that with too many other people, so it means a lot.  However, I still feel like I am wasting his time.  That he could be using the time he spends with me on someone who deserves it, someone who has a chance of getting better.  I’m pretty hopeless as far as getting over the depression, being happy, even actually wanting to live.  I’ve been abandoned by so many people.  As much as I trust my counselor, I’m afraid he will give up on me.  Though I guess that would be alright.  Everyone else usually ends up giving up on me, or I end up pushing them away. 

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