Hard time

My husband loves my sister. As in really loves her. I’ve given up on being his only love. Honestly acceptance of him not loving me is a lot easier than I thought it would be. Acceptance of a failed relationship isn’t as easy though. I don’t want to stay with him. If he wants to be with my sister than I’m all for it. In fact her being here has meant that my summer has gone so much better. He is putting all his focus on her instead of trying to figure out everything I’m doing wrong. Not near as many arguments this way. I’d be happy if she lived with us for that reason only. 

And this is the point that I don’t know what to do. I don’t believe in divorce. And I’m not really sure that it’s crossed the line where I want to get a divorce. If I knew my sister would marry him if I did then I probably would. I don’t want to see him alone. 
I’m torn. I have no clue what to do. The only other option… Well besides staying with him… Is suicide. I’m already planning that. Nov 10 can’t come quick enough. I’m going to start cutting back on food. I want this more than anything. I don’t want to live anymore. While my husband’s relationship might be part of the cause it isn’t the only reason. 
More than anything I don’t want to face the feelings I have for someone else. I don’t know how to move past this. Even if I went through divorce I have no shot with this guy. He is way out of my league. 
I’m so alone. And afraid. Less than four more months now. And I’m free. 

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