frustrated and alone

My counselor is on vacation for the next couple of weeks, so I am on my own to figure some things out.  I know some of you are going to disagree with me and call me stupid, etc, but I’m quitting counseling.  I’ve made some realizations, and they aren’t really easy for me to accept.

I’ve been battling this depression for years.  YEARS.  I’ve been through counseling for years.  I’ve been on meds for years.  I’ve tried both at the same time.  I’m not getting better.  I have no faith in that happening.  I flat out give up. 

I love talking to my counselor.  I love that at least one person (ok, two if you include my husband) cares enough to talk to me (even if I have to pay him for it). 

I feel like everything is so overwhelming.  Like I’m alone.  Like if I isolate myself from everyone, maybe no one will know.  I won’t have to explain something I can’t explain to some one who won’t understand. 

I’m not going to kill myself, but I’m not going to try to get through this either.  Everything is so foggy it is hard to think what to write šŸ™

2 thoughts on “frustrated and alone”

  1. Nope, I don't think you're stupid for quitting counseling. Sometimes you need to put the crutches aside to see if you are able to walk on your own.
    No matter how you see yourself, I see someone who has more inner strength than they realize.
    Congrats on the new job.

  2. Hey girl, sorry I have not written. Not sure what to say. So much easier to see you and talk to you than write. Please don't isolate yourself. You need to see others and stuff. Isolation can lead to not so good thoughts and such. I have isolated myself before and the results were not great.

    Hang in there!

    Your EE bud from UM.

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