Feeling alone

It’s hard working somewhere that you feel alone at. I feel so alone here. Like if I died no one would care. I feel discluded from everything. When the group goes out to eat, they’ll ask everyone but me. When they bring food to eat, they’ll tell everyone but me. When they are going out somewhere and want to know if anyone would like anything, they’ll tell everyone but me. It’s hard feeling so alone, so left out. It’s one of the reasons why I left the last place I was at. I guess maybe it is me. Maybe I’m just a horrible person that no one likes. I’m just going to go to work everyday, and not care about the social aspect of it. Wake up in the morning, do my work, go home. Rinse and repeat. While everyone sits around and talks and does nothing, I’ll work. I can do this; I’m used to it. Right?

Another thing that is irritating is the fact that there is no room to move up in this section. To move up, I’m going to have to leave this section. I know that as there are other people who have been here longer than me, even though I have more experience and credentials than them, and apparently work harder. As I said, I can do this, I’m used to it… right?

I’m considering not going to my psychiatrist anymore. I already quit my counselor. I don’t see any point. I am not going to get better. This medicine I’m on isn’t working (apparently). I’m at a loss as to what to do. I’m so scared and alone. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to turn. I have no one I can talk to, no where I can turn. Even if I had someone I could talk to, I wouldn’t know where even to start. I’m alone, and have no hope of this changing. I just feel like crying constantly.

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