December 15th

December 15th

So because my days lately hadn’t been shitty enough, it just keeps getting better.  

Hubby pretty much refuses to talk to me. He won’t get up to go to work. He just wants to pout. I’m down watching Samantha and he wakes up. Wants to know if I was going to work. I told him that I would if he was going. He goes on about how I don’t want to be around him. That I should just have an abortion and get rid of the pregnancy since I don’t want to be pregnant.  
I’m crying.  I told him I want to keep the child and he argues with me saying I don’t,,,  
He yells at me some more and the goes back in to the bedroom. 
I kiss Samantha goodbye. Give her a big hug. Tell her I love her. I take off into the coldness with flip flops and a light jacket. 
I walk down a stream bed behind our house,  The water is cold.  I find a good place along the bank to sit down. I cry. 
I have no clue what I thought I was going to do,  A part of me wanted to keep walking down to the River and just drown. A very big part of me did,  I didn’t though. I regret that decision.
I got up and walked back to the house. My husband and daughter were waiting on the corner for me,  I have no idea how ,long they had been there.  I didn’t really care. I walked under the deck and continued crying there. He convinced me to come inside,  
Into the bedroom to change out of the cold wet clothes.  And there I cried more. 
I finally made the walk downstairs. I called up to get my prescription filled. And we went to pick it up later that afternoon. 
Arguing with him that he is the cause of how I’m feeling wouldn’t help. Nothing helps anymore. 

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