It’s one of those days, days when I wonder if getting out of bed was really worth it. I know… I have to go to work, make money, to survive. But what happens when that is no longer important? When I could care less if I get to the next day? The depression is so bad all the time. I want relief, anyway I can get it.
My senior class is planning a 12 year reunion to replace the 10 year reunion we should have had. We didn’t have a 10 year reunion because our class president was a loser. Or is a loser. I don’t even know if she is even still alive, out of jail. I just got the email for planning the 12 year reunion. It also announced the reunion committee members. The president was one of the people that tortured me in one of my classes because I was white, and therefore I responsible for all her problems. I was repeatedly felt up by one of the guys in that class. The class stood around me while he did this so the teacher couldn’t see. I was the only white in the class, he a gang leader. What was I supposed to do? I never told my parents, still haven’t today. What good would that do now? I felt so alone that year.
I know I’m supposed to forgive her. No problem doing that. I’ve been told over and over by counselors and friends I’m supposed to hang out with people that make me feel good, that don’t contribute to my depression. Why should I go to this reunion then? So I can be surrounded by a bunch of people that were happy to make my life a living hell? Why would I go through that again? I know it will only be for a weekend, but still. The people I want to see have kept in touch with me over the years. All the other people don’t care about me, so why waste my time?