Any of the three things by themselves I could have gotten through. Guilt. Broken lunch date. Finger pointing meeting. Together was insurmountable. My mother in law is here so that makes this weekend even worse.
I’m hurting. A lot. I feel like crying but the tears aren’t coming. I’m overwhelmed. I feel completely alone in a crowded room. I’m drowning. I don’t know if I can get past this. Even if I could, I don’t know that I would want to.
I want the fight to end. I want to give up and not have to do it anymore. I don’t want to be happy for a few hours and then spend a few months paralyzed with sadness.
And no one would care. No one would miss me. I don’t matter. They win. I lose. I’m ok with this.
I want someone to hold me while I cry. And then I want to escape. To slip away. To not be here anymore. Please just let me peacefully fade away. I want this to be over.