Well, it’s that time of year again.  Time for my yearly physical crap.  I love this time of year.  (Can you detect the sarcasm in my writing there?)

The big question this year will be whether or not I talk to my doctor about the depression, try to get put on anti-depressants.  Every year about this time, when I have to see the doctor for that one time during the year, I ask about anti-depressants.  This year, though, this year, I don’t know if I have the courage, or wanting to try out another medicine.  I’m tired of trying them.  I’m tired of them not working.  I’ve tried so many anti-depressants  before, and none have worked.  I’ve tried the whole psychiatrist thing, they never helped me.  They always seemed to be more in a hurry to get me out of the office, than to actually listen to what I have to say.  It’s always the same:  oh you’re depressed.  Let’s try this medicine.  Six to eight weeks later, when it starts sinking in that it doesn’t work, that’s when things start getting worse.  It always makes me feel like a failure to try the anti-depressant and it not do a danged thing for me.  It’s like this medicine has worked for all these other people, and not for me.  Apparently I’m doing something wrong then.  Not to mention there have been so many different tries.  You would think by now if I was going to get better, I would have.  But I don’t get better with the medicines.

So, I wonder, is it worth another try?  I keep hearing that there are others out there, that even after they have tried numerous meds, finally come up with something that works.  But the real question is do I want to get better?  Do I want to put the work in to fighting this, or just give in.  My vote would be giving in.  I’ve fought this for so long, and I haven’t really gotten better yet.  What makes me think something is just going to magically change that?  There is no peace for me.  That’s the only truth I’ve come to know. 

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