It’s been a long day. A long couple of months I guess. We are getting the house put back together. Almost through with the drywall. Or at least hanging the drywall. Then we have to put corners up, mud, and tape. Then sand. Then paint. Then flooring. Everything is so very overwhelming. So much to do. So very tired. I wonder when it will all be done. Will we get it done in time for Thanksgiving? How about Christmas?
My mom moved in with us recently. It’s been ok with her here, however, I feel like I’m a teenager again. She hasn’t asked anything, or anything like that, but she’s my mom ya know.
My depression has gotten way worse. I try to conserve my energy at work, thus more down, so I can be more upbeat when I come home. But you know this is getting old. I so want to go back to counseling, but know I can’t. I don’t want my mom to know so I suffer in silence again, like I did when I was younger. It’s gotten so bad. I try my best not to cry at work, but sometimes that doesn’t work so well. I feel like crying all the time, and I know nothing can help me. I’ve tried so many different medications, I’ve lost hope. I go through life now just trying to get to the next day, not expecting anything. It’s better this way. Better to not have hope, and not be disappointed. I’m never surprised with something that doesn’t go our way. I just really need to do the counseling thing and I feel so alone.