I gave my counselor the link to my blog. I wanted him to know stuff that I couldn’t say out loud. I trust him a lot, it’s just that talking to anyone is hard for me. Saying some things out loud to anyone is hard, even when I am by myself, saying things out loud is hard.
I had an appointment with him last night. He did much of the talking which is fine with me. He suggested I go to this treatment center in Arizona for at least 30 days. That’s nice and all, but life and bills still go on. I’ve worked so hard not to let my parents and people at work know about what is going on with my private life. Something that long would have to be approved by my bosses, and they would want to know what is going on. I don’t want to be seen as weak in their eyes. It’s hard enough as I am not only the only woman here, but also the youngest. I know it’s all excuses, but I’m trying.
I have felt very few people understand what I am going through. My grad school counselor I know did. I think that the current counselor got the pain I am in, which is good I guess. And so far he hasn’t left me. I just hope I can open up enough not to totally frustrate him too.