So my husband is acting like everything is normal.
And, in a way, this is our normal.
He yells. He had a meltdown. He withdraws. And I take care of the kids.
Why stay with him?
Because I’m afraid of him getting custody of the kids. I’m afraid of him getting mad at them and him leaving them at the house alone. I’m afraid that the kids will have issues with him. I’m afraid of him telling lies about me and I never see my kids again.
What the heck do I do?
my soul is tired.
I have no hope that things will get better. I’m tired of walking on eggshells with him. He needs help. .
But I promised to love him forever. I promised that I would be with him in sickness and in health. And wouldn’t it be me who abandoned him? When he needs me the most to help him get help wouldn’t it be me who left him?
I’m torn. I’m alone. And I want to cry. I want someone to hold me while I cry. I don’t want to be alone in the dark.
Last week my husband left.
He was trying to communicate with me the Tupperware container he wanted to use as a bird feed holder. I didn’t understand and gave him the wrong container. He melted down. I wasn’t listening. If I had been listening I would have given him the correct container. He melted down like a three year old. He yelled at me. When I told him I would be happy to help him find the container when he calmed down and stopped yelling, he got even madder. I ignored the yelling. I’m not going to talk to someone who can’t stop and breathe. I was getting our second grader started with schooling when he came over and pulled her away from where she was working. She needed to work with him instead. By the end of the argument she was hiding behind me, and eventually in tears in her bedroom.
He stuck around for an hour, I’m guessing now to pack. He left while S was in school. He yelled at me that he wanted a divorce and was leaving me while S was on her virtual class. I was the one that after he went through that had to console her. I was the one that had to hold her while she cried because he left. But you know, I’m getting used to.
He texted me at 7 that night to let me know he wouldn’t be home. I don’t know where he went. I don’t know what he was doing. All I know is that I had to keep it together for the kids while he recovered from the meltdown. But you know it was so much easier than I thought it would be. The kids were happy and helpful. They didn’t yell or scream or break down like normal. It was a peaceful night.
I started imagining life without him. We could have a nice small simple house on some land. The kids could jump and run and yell and scream and have fun. We could get a cat and another dog. We could go to church. I started liking this life.
He came home the next day after work. He went into the spare bedroom and locked the door. He was continuing to stonewall us. He wandered into the bedroom a couple of hours later, sweating profusely looking bewildered. His blood sugar had bottomed! I was able to get some juice down him before he passed out. I got him a second glass of fruit juice and some crackers.
And then everything was fine.