One of my supervisors talked to me that morning. He told me getting HR involved was not the answer. He told me if I did, it would only complicate things, and that they wouldn’t be helpful. The only time he had to get HR involved, it turned out bad. That I should go to the guy and tell him how much what he did hurt. To let the guy who was harassed complain and leave myself out of it.
Meanwhile, my husband was being mean to me because I hadn’t gone to HR yet. He thinks that I still like the guy and that I was covering for him.
Truth be told, I knew that I would lose every single friend I had by doing this. I didn’t want to. There was enough to get Robbie in trouble without me getting involved.
Hubby kept pushing. I didn’t want to go up against him. I contacted HR late that afternoon, after I had left. Meanwhile the guy that had been harassed wrote a complaint to the bosses. I forwarded my thoughts directly to the director, skipping over the boss that had been involved. What was the point in going to her? She had already pretty much thought it was funny.
I was headed off to the Engineer’s Banquet, the one night a year that my husband and I get a date. I get a text from a good friend that will change life.
My former boss is going in for open heart surgery to replace valves, one on his aorta. He is terribly afraid. Everyone knows how afraid he is. My best friend sent me and some other folks at work a text that he had told this guy going into surgery that he was going to tell everyone he was really having a gender reassignment surgery. It really happened.
At first I thought it was all a joke. But the more I thought about it the more I realized it likely happened.
To make matters worse, my boss wrote back to the text that “OMG you’re going to kill him”. That was her response. What the hell am I supposed to say after that? She was talking about it at the dinner table and brushed it off.
We stayed at the banquet until dinner was over but didn’t linger. I wanted to get back home. My mom and hubby read the text. They both encouraged me to go to HR. My mom made me promise to go to HR.
The next day, I wrote the guy going into surgery and asked if this really happened. Yes this guy had and he was very upset. He had asked the guy to stop and he hadn’t. He thought it belittled the fact that he was going in for open heart surgery.
What worried me as a manager was that no one else thought what this guy did was bad. No one else reported it. It was done in front of two of my folks, one a newer hire. This isn’t the type of character I want my folks to have. This isn’t what I want for them to learn from this group.