frustrated and alone

My counselor is on vacation for the next couple of weeks, so I am on my own to figure some things out.  I know some of you are going to disagree with me and call me stupid, etc, but I’m quitting counseling.  I’ve made some realizations, and they aren’t really easy for me to accept.

I’ve been battling this depression for years.  YEARS.  I’ve been through counseling for years.  I’ve been on meds for years.  I’ve tried both at the same time.  I’m not getting better.  I have no faith in that happening.  I flat out give up. 

I love talking to my counselor.  I love that at least one person (ok, two if you include my husband) cares enough to talk to me (even if I have to pay him for it). 

I feel like everything is so overwhelming.  Like I’m alone.  Like if I isolate myself from everyone, maybe no one will know.  I won’t have to explain something I can’t explain to some one who won’t understand. 

I’m not going to kill myself, but I’m not going to try to get through this either.  Everything is so foggy it is hard to think what to write šŸ™